How You Must Be Hurting

Honestly I feel miserable. I don't really know who to talk to. Everyone I cared about has moved on in life and forgotten about me, and those who try to care I push away. I want a deep connection, a strong relationship, but romantic feelings get in the way. What we had was good, it was nice, it was what I needed, but if you take away the romantic feelings, you suddenly disappear from my life. Why can't things be the way they were, just without kissing and romantic connotations. That would be perfect. But that is selfish of me. To want to spend time with you when my love for you is not the kind you wish. We can only have that perfect relationship, the one I crave, if it is only a romantic one. But why can't it be a romantic relationship? Why must my head and my heart be so messed up? I'm just a giant mess. I thought I would be happier but I feel so alone and guilty. I want to talk to you but I don't know what to say.