What's in my head at this very second

I was going through my pictures and found a folder dedicated to rain, so that's where the last post came from. I just wanted a reason to share those pictures with the world (although they did originally come from google).

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, well more then usual.
Is it normal to think about your motive behind every action, word and thought? It is for me. I question myself a lot about why I do things. I have done a few things were the motives behind them are... a bit interesting. Like when I was 14, I bought a 021 cell phone just to text a guy that I kinda liked (who I didn't actually end up doing a lot of and the phone was stolen after 5 months) or buying a t-shirt that they only sell in the USA and don't ship to NZ just because a guy I liked said he wanted it, or taking a trip down to Wellington and waiting in a cafe for 5 hours for a guy who said would be there, but never showed up... Thinking about it, most of my motives are because of guys I liked. Maybe its because I'm a teenage girl? Although I don't think I'm like many teenage girls.

I have finally figured out why I don't like being called Rach or Rachie... after much thinking, I realised that I don't know many tall Rachel's. I have always been on the short side of things, and people have always liked to remind me, giving me nicknames like shrimp and shorty. Now Rach and Rachie are both shortened versions of Rachel, and I hated being called short, or anything to do with it.

There is one thing that I wish I knew about me and Josh, was I a secret? Something he kept hidden and didn't tell anyone? Or did he tell some of his friends? Did he tell anyone? It bugs me, but I don't think I'll ever find out. I try not to think about it too much, but with the amount of thinking I do, its hard not to.

Sorry that this post is a bit everywhere, but that's what my mind is like.

Peace out!

Stand In The Rain - Superchick

She never slows down

She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down 

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain


















She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down


















So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

  So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

I seem to like a challenge

It’s a bit of an interesting situation actually. The guys I like are either older than me, live in a different town, or we are so close that I am afraid that if I tell them I like them, I will lose everything and right now, it’s all three of those things.

I've known him for a few years now, and I've kind of always had a little crush on him. To some of you, this is a real news flash because before now, the longest you have known that I've liked someone was 9 months. Yeah... sorry about that.

Anyway, it seems that over time this little crush aint so little anymore, and now it looks like I’m stuck in a very confusing situation. It seems I have two options, both have multiple outcomes.

·         I tell him now, he freaks out, things become awkward and I lose everything.

·         I wait another few years till I am of an acceptable age, tell him, and it ends the same way as the first bullet point.

·         I wait another few years till I am of an acceptable age, but by then he’s found someone else and I just keep my mouth shut and act like nothing is wrong.

·         I tell him now and he feels the same (not likely)

·         I wait another few years till I am of an acceptable age, tell him, and he feels the same (again, not likely)

There is also the option where I just keep my mouth shut and act as if these feelings don't exist, but that's not really how I role.

I’m probably making things more complicated than they really are, but that’s kind of expected from a teenage girl.

But yet after all this, I’m not worried. Okay, that’s not completely true. I am worried, but I know that whatever the outcome, God has a plan for me. Whether it includes this guy or not, who knows? God does J

We're gonna miss you.

Its nearly the end of the year, the end of my year 12 and after that, there will be just one more year left of high school for me. Sadly though, for some of my friends this will be their very last year. For some it will be because they are year 13 now, but for others its because they have decided they wont be coming back for year 13. The biggest shock for me, and most of my friends would have to be Katie.
Katie is one of the most friendliest, kindest, funniest, bubbliest, beautiful people you could ever meet. She is insanely talented, very smart and just an amazing person. To learn that she isn't coming back was devastating. I actually had a 2 1/2 hour phone call with my friend Josh today (not the same josh I talked about earlier) about how different school will be without her. I think out of a small group of friends, he has taken it the hardest. This is Josh's first year at high school, and he didn't really know too many people. Then along comes Katie, being her friendly self, and takes him under her wing, makes sure he fits in and that everything is good for him. For him, she is this light of hope of making it through high school alive. But despite all her efforts, he doesn't have many school school friends, and Katie is his best friend.

For me, Katie is the cutest girl you will ever meet, but shes not fragile. I have always felt a bit out of place with my regular group of friends. They all dress the same, have the same taste, have the same dark eyeliner which looks amazing on them. And then there is me. I'm like a fish out of water, and even though I try to be different, this kind of different is not what I'm aiming for. Katie encouraged me to start hanging out with my other group of friends more, which oddly enough, are pretty much right next to each other. For once in my life I feel normal (that feels really weird to say).

I had plans for my year 13, most of which involved Katie in one way or another. Now I have to rethink a lot of those plans. Some of those plans were to show the school that you don't have to be popular to have fun. We're just too awesome to be part of the popular crowd, and they know it =]

I think what she's doing is great, and I don't want to stop her from going, as much as I will miss her, I know I can't stop her. I don't want to stop her. Who am I to tell her what to do? She is a free spirit, she always has been.

Katie, I am so proud of you. You will be missed dearly.
ILY WIFEY!!!