Amsterdam

So I pretty much failed last time at the blogging thing, so I'm hoping this time I might be a tad more productive.

To sum up the end of my High School year, Manawatu won the house cup, my academic year was crap, but I was happy with the amount of work I put into my leadership role and other services to the school. After 5 years, I finally got a hug from my favourite teacher, Mr Bell. I still can't believe its all over. To tell the truth it hasn't sunken in just yet, and I don't really want it too.
I have also decided that I am gonna study at UCOL next year, doing the Certificate of University Preparation, not because I want to go on study at Uni (I still don't know what I'm doing with life, so I'm gonna wait to figure it out before I make the decision to study), but because I have failed Level 3, even with the credits from my externals, and it is my goal to get Level 3. I had to explain this quite a number of times to friends and teachers, but on of them told me that I had not failed, I just needed to catch up is all. This made me smile.
This year has been tough for me. Being "ill" for so long, and still not knowing what's up with that. In turn, I missed pretty much half of the school year due to being sick.
(Quick update on my health: Yes I am still sick. There are days when my headache and nausea are at a point when I can manage them, but most of the time they cause me some pain and grief. On top of that, my sleeping patterns have been thrown out of wack and I now can't fall asleep till at least 5 am.)
After dreaming of working in radio for 4 and a half years, and to have it suddenly change to nothing, it is hard to handle, scary, and confusing.

I went to my friends 18th last night. Yes there was drinking, no I didn't get drunk of my face, not even tipsy. I was in charge of cooking, and decided that it wasn't safe to drink and fry (although no frying was actually involved) so I just stuck with some good old coke with a squirt of lemon.  Now what is the point of talking about this? Well, I kind of took advantage of the fact that other people were drunk/tipsy and decided to admit a few things that I have never had the courage to say out loud.

1. I have only ever been in love with two people.
2. My first love was Josh.
3. My second love was not Jordan (sorry, but its true. I wasn't really in love with you, but I did really care about you.)
4. I actually used Jonathan to try and get over the second person I was in love with, which obviously didn't work out.
5. I know you probably don't want to hear this (if you are actually reading this), but the second person I was in love with was Dan.
6. It is because of 5. that I am not quite sure how I feel about his engagement. Don't get me wrong, I am super happy and excited for him, but there is still a pain in my chest that keeps coming back when I think about it.

There, now I have admitted it twice.

Imagine Dragons - Amsterdam

By My Side

I keep wanting to post about everything. About school ended. About my fear of losing contact with friends. About prize giving. About my confusion. But I don't know what to say.