12.25am. My brother sits only three meters away from me, but there are two walls between us. He's back from uni for a short while. It seems nothing has changed between us. We get on, but hardly talk. When we do, its short, awkward sentences. But I'm glad to see him again. I've missed him.
12.29am. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I have no idea what I am doing. Where am I going in life? What will be be doing next year? Or the year after that. So many questions with so many possible answers. I was so sure of what I wanted. For four years I was certain, but in the last 5 weeks, it feels as if something has changed.
12.33am. Legacy. It's all about legacy. That's what I've been told. It seems some will leave a great mark on the world, some already have, but others will just the eyes that walk through the gallery.
12.39am. Tom Hiddleston. I would be lying if I said I wasn't obsessed with the man. He has no idea who I am. I am just another fan, just another face in the crowd of this crazy world. I wish to met him one day. Express my fondness of his inspiring humble attitude towards life.
12.50am. Dan. You might not know this, but I wrote a song about/for you a while ago, this one. But know, it has no attachment.
12.58am. The school ball is coming up. I have a dress. I have the shoes. I have the accessories. I know the hairstyle. I have a date. A friend. I am looking forward to it.
1.02am. Confession. I do like to wear dresses, but I like pants better. But I like to keep them for special occasions. Balls/Proms. Formal gatherings. Weddings. I want to make them special. Like a first kiss. I wanted my first kiss to be with my husband. On our wedding day.
1.07am. What if I had some idea of love in my head, and it's just totally wrong?
1.15am. I miss you.
I'm going to let you on a secret: I still have no idea what I'm doing here. But I'm glad I'm here. Sometimes all you have to do is walk at doors and trust God will open the right ones for you and get you where you need to go. As for legacies, the other day I realized something: all this time I've been planning for my "something big" - to do something which leaves a big impact on the world. But not every revoloution starts like that, and in reality, we are writing our legacy every day we are alive....
ReplyDeleteJust something to think about...